Artifacts intended to be drafts or preparations, but which blithely protested they were nothing short of finished


medium: voice to text


Mom about modern life being all being like an overachiever in him like academically and then you but you’re an artist and finding and you’ve built up this big ego around being impressive speak big ego around showing how smart you are even though your artsy and now you’re out in the world you’re working at a café or restaurant and Innoway you never thought you’d be one of those people even though the majority of Ardis what else please don’t stop recording ego becoming your own internal teacher putting things back into a system of OK if I were signed this problem what solutions what I come up with for homework and creating that I can’t dichotomy again between yourself and someone else and you have to prove yourself you have to get a good grade for me when I realized that being better than other people and the competition and the pride in the hotness was tied up in it because it was negative and positive in that way having a freaking having the the people around and the teachers are reading out the best assignments and things but I also had a lot of momentum coming from middle school that did start with me you know it didn’t start with trying to prove my thought I was better than other people it started with me having a spiritual connection to the work I was doing but then when you’re doing all this work in a social environment status environment your ego gets really tied up in being that another people and when I realize that I was like oh my God I’m so narcissistic I’m such a bitch I didn’t realize until now like I have to shed all the stuff which is important but sometimes we throw sometimes we throw the baby out with the bathwater when we’re trying to get rid of a bad habit because that’s all we can do we haven’t figured out the nuances of or maybe intellectually we figured out the nuances of what aspects are good for us and what are bad but we haven’t figured out in practice how to have one without the other because they’re so entangled and emotionally charged for us and trying to practice the good intellectual academic thinking with it will trigger the the shadiness so sometimes we do need to throw the baby out with the bathwater and just take a break from that kind of thinking and exercising altogether and then we discovered a new which can be so frustrating I was in so much time I could’ve been doing this all along but you really couldn’t have because because that’s how people work that’s how humans work is that we’re not perfectly aligned beings because of society because of our adaptations